Friday, November 7, 2008
Hard as it is for me to believe, today our dossier for the child we affectionately refer to as, "mei mei" has been logged in one year. The other day my friend Diana asked me if the time has gone fast or slow. In all honesty, the time has flown by. It seems like no sooner had I written an update on this blog marking and trying to celebrate a month down, it was time to write another update. (Yep, I missed last month. There are only about two or three readers of this blog, so I figured they'd understand.) Life is whizzing by and I am often reminded of the words of a hymn I sung growing up, "Swiftly we're turning life's daily pages, swiftly the hours are turning to years..." So, it would seem like the fact that time is going by quickly would be cause for celebration. I have to be honest; it isn't. The fact that time is going by so quickly is also what pains me.
Please understand, I don't mean to be morbid, pessimistic, or sound terribly pathetic. I am a realist whose emotions run very deep and often very differently than those around me. The reality is that with each passing day, the face of our family changes as well as the dynamic I had hoped for. For example, Lindy is getting older--in fact she'll be three and a half years old TOMORROW. My hopes for two little girls about three years apart give or take is more realistically going to be much more than that. Another example is that it looks like I could be nearing "the change" and changing my own child's diapers at the same time. Again, not what I envisioned. There are many other examples of why the passage of time affects my thought process, but I don't want to utter them...
I know this probably sounds very whiny and I don't mean to whine. I probably wouldn't say much if I had a glimmer of some good, promising news regarding this process. The fact is, I don't. Our paperwork is beginning to expire and we're now going through the efforts to renew things, such as a home study which will take place next week. This probably won't be the last time we have to go through the update process, either. Season after season, I pack away Lindy's clothes and shoes and wonder when I will see our next daughter wear these well-cared for hand-me-downs. I used to think it would be late 2009 or early 2010. Now I don't even think it will be in 2011. An online referral predictor calculator tells me we won't receive a referral until September 2015.
Why so long? I just don't know. No one does, except God. While I can't explain the process at all, I do know some things about God. I know His hand is in the process and He has a master plan that is much better than my planning abilities. I also know He is faithful and won't desert me. I know He wants me to be patient and longsuffering and trust Him. He is using this period of waiting to stretch me and cause me to be more reliant on Him. I am not the first person He's put through a period of waiting and I won't be the last.
When I started this blog, I had no idea this journey would be as long as it appears it will be. I very simply intended to journal my feelings, share fun and exciting milestones, and document our journey. When I think about continuing to publicly document my feelings and emotions about this process on a routine basis, it seems kind of scary being so honest and vulnerable. I wouldn't want my disappointments, lack of hope or faith, or discouragement to cause anyone to lose faith in their own personal walk or negatively impact someone who might be considering adoption. I have decided to leave this blog dormant, for now, and forego my monthly posts. If a milestone or something newsworthy occurs, I will most certainly post.
If this is the only blog of mine you read, you are welcome to come visit Lindy's blog or our family blog for more regular, happier posts.
Last but definitely NOT least, I ask that you pray. Please pray for all the families who are traveling the road of adoption. If people aren't sure what to do, how to proceed, whether to wait or change course, I ask that you pray for God to give them wisdom and direction for what is best for each particular circumstance. I also ask for you to pray for the children. There are millions of orphans in this world needing forever families.
Thank you for your love, support, and kindess.
Sunday, September 7, 2008
"Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6
I wasn't sure what to write this month. I have a lot swirling around in my mind but I find it all very difficult to write about. Yesterday this verse popped into my head which I believe was a result of the spirit living in me. I love this verse but on this tenth month of being logged in (with NO end in MY sight), I have to admit I am not trusting in the Lord with ALL my heart. I think if I were trusting with ALL my heart, I wouldn't feel so much angst and uncertainty. So, I guess since I'm just sort of trusting in Him in essence it means I'm NOT trusting Him because you either do or don't.
Lord, I ask that you cause me to completely TRUST you. Help me to BELIEVE 100% that you are going to smooth and shorten the path to our daughter by removing the current obstacles in China. I know I'm not in control over anything and that you are in complete control. What seems impossible is possible. I know it isn't at all constructive or healthy for me to fret and worry like I have been these past few months, nor does it do a very effective job of acknowledging you and your power. You know the entire story--beginning to end. Help me to trust that it is a beautiful story with a very happy ending. In your son's name I pray, Amen.
Thursday, August 7, 2008
We've all seen the lady whose belly is so big with a baby (or babies) that she literally looks like she's going to pop. From the little I know, in that ninth month of pregnancy amazing and bizarre things happen to the expectant mother and her unborn child. The wait, which has seemed eternal, is almost over and soon, God-willing, a healthy child will come into this world. For most, it is an exciting time, a scary time, and an emotional time...
Today we have been officially "paper pregnant" for our second child for nine months. Nine months and I am not even close to popping! These are indeed emotional times for me. This month I have felt like I've had the hormones of a full-term pregnant woman. I am scared. I am uncertain. I am worried. I am struggling. I am impatient. I am losing hope. I also know I am not alone.
As often is the case, I seek guidance and comfort from the Psalms...Here is what comforted me today.
"Wait for the Lord; Be strong and let your heart take courage; Yes, wait for the Lord..." Psalm 27:14
Yes, Lord, I will wait...
Monday, July 7, 2008
There are days when I wish I could hold an object like a Magic 8-ball and ask it to give me an answer as to when we'll receive a referral or peer into a crystal ball to see us holding our daughter for the first time. However, I don't put my faith or trust in Magic 8-balls, crystal balls, or anything else but God. I trust that He knows all the answers that swirl around in my head and know He will reveal them in His perfect timing.
"Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me..." John 14:1
Saturday, June 7, 2008
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
Monday, April 7, 2008
Friday, March 28, 2008
A few people have asked whether Lindy's mei mei has a name. We have not chosen a name for her at this point and, honestly, we haven't even talked about it much. We do have some names on the table but we definitely aren't even close to a final selection and it appears we don't need to have one for quite a while. Every once in a while we'll ask Lindy what her mei mei's name is and she says, "Mei mei."
There is someone who does know her name and that is God. Today I have been thinking about God's omniscience. My dwelling on that really comes from a sad little thing that happened yesterday. In the late afternoon I heard a terrible crash into the window. I looked out to see a mourning dove which had fallen to the ground and within seconds it died. I remembered that the Bible talks about how God even knows when a sparrow falls to the ground...
It really is so hard as a human to fathom that God knows who this little one's birth parents will be, when she'll come into this world, what her Chinese name will be, what we will name her, and when we will meet her for the first time. It gives me peace knowing that someone has the answers, though, even when I don't.
"He counts the number of the stars; he calls them all by name." Psalm 147:4
"For he looks to the ends of the earth, and sees everything under the heavens." Job 28:24
Friday, March 7, 2008
I breathed a sigh of relief that I no longer have to battle long, hectic, crazy commutes to and from work. I wasn't fond of it at the time and I know I wouldn't be fond of it now. In this instant gratification society, most people don't like to wait. In a lot of ways, we don't even know how to wait. During major traffic inconveniences I felt angst, I didn't look for ways to take the lemon and make it lemonade. It was a hassle plain and simple.
Today our paperwork has been logged in four months. Considering all the traffic ahead of us, we have a very long commute left. We don't like it but that's the situation. We chose the road we are traveling. We heard the warnings of the traffic reporters but got on the road anyway. We will keep plugging away mile marker by mile marker until we reach our destination--our next daughter...
Instead of feeling angst and frustration, I need to look for ways to enjoy the commute. I have some ways in mind but would love to hear your thoughts as well...
As always, thank you for your prayers!
Thursday, February 7, 2008
Back when we started the process to bring Lindy home, we thought three months would be the halfway point until we received our referral; however, that was not the case.
I can't even begin to speculate how much longer we have to go. All I know is that each day is one day closer until we have another daughter.
Please pray big prayers for us. While you are praying, please pray for the people of China who have been devastated by snow and ice the past few days. Imagine a nor'easter hitting Cancun. Orphanages are operating without electricity, water, and are running out of basic supplies. Having seen a glimpse inside a "premier" orphanage, I cannot imagine the scene inside the orphanages given these severe situations. For us, it is heartwrenching...
If you're checking this blog from time to time, thank you! You are an encouragement to us.
Thursday, January 24, 2008
We also got a fantastic box of some darling next to new clothes from a special friend of mine. It was so much fun unwrapping each piece and dreaming of our next daughter wearing them.
Thank you, friends, for your thoughtfulness!